Trampling Roses – Prologue

Here is the prologue from my book “Trampling Roses”

Prologue

‘It was my father’s suicide, well, I found him, you see… and…’

‘Is this when it began for you?’

‘It broke my heart.’

‘Here, take a tissue.’

‘Thank you.’

‘Sindy, when did you first notice your perceptions of reality change?’

‘It was just awful… I was devastated, we’d become so close.’

‘You weren’t always close then… Sindy, I understand how distressing this was for you, but you didn’t answer my question. When did you first become aware that something was different?’

‘I was sixteen at the time.’

‘And this is the first time things looked different to you?’

‘I couldn’t see him lying there, and I couldn’t see the blood, it was as if my mind wouldn’t let me. I guess I superimposed a blank canvass and painted a nicer picture.’

‘Sindy, I’m sorry you were faced with such a traumatic experience at such a young age.’

‘It’s just one of those things.’

‘I understand. You mentioned that you’d become close.’

‘Yes, we had, but it hadn’t always been like that. He was just vile when I was a child. He would lose his temper with me… And one time, I ended up in hospital… He never abused me though, not in that way.’

‘Okay.’

‘Erm… I lied before. It didn’t start when I was sixteen. I started losing my mind before that.’

‘Do you want to tell me about it?’

‘No.’

‘Did somebody hurt you?’

‘There was more than just one person.’

‘Sindy, I can see these memories are very painful for you. I’m not going to ask you to talk about this right now, but if you want we could do some work today to try to resolve how you’re feeling.’

‘We won’t talk about the abuse?’

‘Not unless you feel you want to. We can work on reducing the anxiety you’re feeling.’

‘Yes, okay, Susan. That would be good, thank you.’

‘Okay, Sindy, close your eyes and take a few minutes to relax. Remember, you can halt the session at any time.’

‘I’m ready.’

‘First of all, bring your mind into the room and concentrate on only the sound of the clock…

….now, shift your awareness, you hear the creaks, the voices of those who pass by, perhaps the sound of a car in the distance. You hear that?’

‘Yes.’

‘I’m right here and you are safe. Allow yourself to enjoy these sounds for a few moments…

…are you happy to go on now?’

‘Yes, Susan, I’m very comfortable.’

‘Now, Sindy, the feelings of sadness and anxiety you’ve been experiencing, can you tell me where in your body you sense them.’

‘It’s in my chest.’

‘Good. Are you able to describe the sensation?’

‘It’s fear, terror.’

‘That’s a good way of labelling the emotions, can you give me an idea of how it feels physically?’

‘Erm… Well…’

‘Tight, weighty, cold, a colour even? Describe the personality of the feeling, it will give it an identity and help us to understand its purpose.’

‘Black. It rushes me and its cold, like it’s putting a freeze on me. It paralyses me.’

‘That sounds like quite an overwhelming thing to experience… Are there any other sensations in any other parts of your body?’

‘My legs are like jelly… My whole body… I feel as though I’ve been trampled over.’

‘Okay, Sindy, thank you. Today we can try to get to know the trampled feeling a little better. Find out why it is there. Are you happy to continue?’

‘Yes.’

‘Okay, now allow those feelings to sit with you as you relax, up through your feet and legs and stomach and chest and mind… Okay, ready to continue?’

‘Yes.’

‘This time, Sindy, focus your energy on the centre of your forehead. Feel your mind become open to hearing what these feelings are trying to communicate to you…

…Now, as your mind opens, imagine you are alone in your own private cinema with a huge screen laid out before you.’

‘I see it.’

‘Ask the trampled feeling to show you the first time it came into your life… Do you see a scene?’

‘I do. I see myself as a child.’

‘How old is little Sindy?’

‘She’s ten years old.’

‘Can you describe the scene.’

‘She’s searching for her doll. Her mother is laughing at her… She… She has to find her Doll, Bessie. The lighting in the room has become funny, everything has changed for her.’

‘Has it changed for you?’

‘No, I see clearly.’

‘Good, you can only help little Sindy if you keep your distance from her right now.’

‘Okay.’

‘What is happening now?’

‘Her mother has told her Bessie has been thrown away with the rubbish. Sindy is curled up on the floor sobbing.’

‘Okay, Sindy, you are in control of this scene. Can you pause the scene please?’

‘Yes, it’s paused.’

‘Do you feel as though you can enter the scene, just to talk to her. We can try to help her today if that’s what you want?’

‘I do… I am in the scene. Susan, shall I talk to her?’

‘Yes, calmly tell her you are her from the future and nobody can harm her. You just want to talk to her…

…How does she feel about this?’

‘She’s pleased to see me.’

‘Ask her to tell you how life is for her.’

‘Yes.’

‘Are you able to describe what she is saying?

…Sindy?

…Sindy, can you talk to me please?

…Sindy?

…Sindy?’

‘I can’t. I’m afraid of her.’

‘Who?’

‘My mother.’

‘Is the scene still paused…

…Sindy, I am Susan, you are safe. You are grown up. You are in control.’

‘My Nana is dead…’

‘Sindy, gently pull back from little Sindy, reassure her you are there to help, but the best way for you to do that is by listening.’

‘Mummy, please don’t take Bessie away from me…’

‘Sindy, pull back, you must separate from little Sindy.

‘I can’t.’

‘Yes you can, Sindy. You are already part way there, pull back and open your eyes…

…Good. Take a few moments to compose yourself.’

‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to do that. I couldn’t help but go her. She needed me.’

‘Yes, she does, but she needs grown up Sindy. You did good, we’ve learned a lot. Do you think you can go back into the scene?’

‘Now! Oh, well… No, I can’t go back in there, not ever.’

‘Sindy, you came to me for a reason. This isn’t going to be easy, but together we can do it.’

‘I think it was a mistake. I’m okay. This is all in the past. I’m sorry I wasted your time. Look, I’ve got to go, I appreciate what you’ve done… Oh, I’m sorry, I’ll replace it.’

‘Don’t worry about the vase. Please don’t leave right now… Sindy, you’re an actress aren’t you?’

‘Yes, well, sort of… I’m more of a singer, but I’ve been in a few musicals. I love performing.’

‘Please, come and sit down, I have an idea… Thank you. Do you think you could take on the role of narrator?’

‘Yes, of course.’

‘What if you were to narrate the life story of the main character? The story of Sindy Black. Do you think you could do that?’

‘Yes, I think so… I can try.’

 

RELEASE DATE

20th January 2017

 

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